Sunday, October 26, 2008

Feels like Fall!

Posted by PicasaA day trip out to the pumpkin patch and a Fall fair. Trying out his chosen Batman costume! How he even knows who Batman is, couldn't tell you! I'm thinking the whole comic book hero fascination is genetic. Thankfully, he's also enjoyed making pumpkin treats with mommy!
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Friday, October 24, 2008

"We could be just a couple of contacts away from being millionaires!"

And he was dead serious. And honestly, when I met him I had that kind of hunch about him, "he's going somewhere." And the longer I've lived with him, the more I believe he not only deserves to get paid what he's worth for his rare blend of hard work & intelligence, but he just may not stop until he does.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it"
Ps. 127:1
My first reaction...Well, after I gave him the "honey, you can do anything!" look.

He's had more & more opportunity to make more & more money since we moved here. Which has been (and not just because of the $ part) one of the blaring confirmations that God has gone before us & lead us to Texas. Welcome confirmation, especially on the way home from church when we want nothing more than to be lounging around his mom's house with our family watching kids play.

I'm conflicted though. I want it all. I want the freedom that more & more money in the bank brings us. But I also want him to go into work late & come home early with no extra time away from family in the evenings or weekends. Perhaps, that's the real reason why I thought of the possibility that God isn't "building the house".

There is nothing like a happy husband though. I mean I don't really want him home early or all weekend if he doesn't have the deep sense of satisfaction that a man needs; reaching his goals, providing the life he wants for his family. For us, each a part of a family on welfare & feasting on government cheese at one point in our lives, the drive to surpass the odds is that much greater.

So here's to wanting it all, but only really wanting what God is building!

"Protect us from ourselves dear Lord. Preserve our family values and let us be wholly present in this precious time with young ones. Remind us to enjoy what we have on the way to where we are headed. You are good! You are faithful, God. Amen." Pin It

Thursday, October 23, 2008

I've been looking this book up on, B&, and for a week now. I'm in serious need of a sit down with a mom that can say, "I've been there; we made it through". Long and painfully similar days capped off with sleepless nights have left me clinging to the coffee pot, praying that God will get me to the right place in the Word to restore me at that moment, willing myself not to crumble when Dan gets home from work-passing off the baby & hiding in bed. (Okay so it hasn't been that dramatic every day, but if I'm wanting to be transparent with you, which of course I do, it's been like that most days lately.)

Missing out on girls coffee nights, not engaged in a weekly Bible Study at church, and on a "maternity leave" from worship ministry, I'm pretty much feeling the withdrawl from the social outlets I've enjoyed until now.

All to say, I dropped Carter off at the church for PDO on Monday & headed over to the local Lifeway Store. No coupon or sale to give me permission to buy, just believing that God would use it when I did get the chance to crack it open. The salesperson greeted me & offered to find it on the shelf for me, only to report they had no more in stock.

WHAT! 'you don't understand Sir, when this grande, nonfat, no whip, pumpkin spice latte is all gone, I'm going to be left with NOTHING to sustain me. I NEED this book today. I NEED something from its pages to give me a push.'

Turns out, while I was skimming the shelves for something else to pop out at me, there it was! And I've so enjoyed it. Again, it's read here & there when time permits, and its nothing other than reflections on motherhood by one of my favorite ladies right now, Beth Moore. But it makes me feel like I'm not alone, much like sitting around a wooden table with my friends on Thursday nights does.
ps: tonight will mark my return to that table! not a moment too soon!)

This is among the first parts that stood out to me:
"God used my first child to slice away the thick layers I had built around my heart for years. I had responded to childhood injuries by raising a fortress around my heart brick by brick so life wouldn't hurt so badly. If only I had realized that the impenetrable walls only kept pain in. I was an emotional shut-in. And I thought I was doing myself a favor.
My firstborn changed all that. Suddenly I had no defense. The walls came tumbling down, and my heart lay utterly exposed to human elements....I'm not sure I can articulate what I felt. Sometimes emotions simply defy explanation, but I felt that something outside of me finally had the ability to kill me-shatter me...she made it all the way in.
My first experiences with unprotected love were excruciating.
Love literally hurt. I would hold her in my arms and rock her for several hours at a time, and the tears would pour down my cheeks."

So far, the first chapters have been just the distraction from my exhaustion that I needed.

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Thursday, October 16, 2008

o what a night!

oh, what a night! and no, we have not yet finished our 6 weeks of post-cesarean abstinence. yesterday marked 4 weeks since lilah joined us.
she gave us a run for our money last night. (what does 'run for our money' actually mean, i'm not sure, but it sounds right there.) we tried everything to get her to settle down & to comfort her for hours. poor little girl, was arching her back & screaming out in pain, she moved around like she was trying to escape her torturous little body. we pulled out all the tricks for soothing...and tried some that were made up on the spot, nothing worked. after hours, we resorted to wrestling her into her car seat & pajama-clad dan drove her around (she's fallen asleep everytime she's been in the car in her 4 weeks of life). of course, he arrived with her fast asleep, nestled in that oh so cozy JJ Cole bundle me. finally, we could get into bed & just as we settled in, she came blaring across the monitor.
over and over, through the night we soothed her enough to sleep & just minutes later we'd have to start again. i say we, but honestly, after around 1am it was my sweet husband doing everything. and even this morning, he went into work late, so that i could sleep. (when he came into bed at 5am-ish & told me he'd called into work, I thought 'sure, you've been up all night! how could you go to work' and turns out he was doing it for me! what a gem!)
we've decided the cause of her pain was the switch from Similac to Enfamil. we'd run out of Similac & instead of buying a new can, i decided to use the free sample of Enfamil that i had in the pantry. her first Enfamil bottle was just before all of this began. God bless Target for staying open until 10pm! dan got there just in time & we were able to give her the Similac through the night-after which we saw definite change. Similac it is...Similac it will remain.
i have to praise God for my husband. seriously, he's just heads above the rest. i decided to have a roast with mushrooms & carrots & potatoes and yummy hot dinner rolls waiting for him when he gets home instead of milking the leftover lasagna for the 4th day!
its getting harder & harder to maintain abstinence. feels a bit like holding onto my virginity before marriage! and just like before marriage...there's good food for our indulgence! Pin It

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

pudding painting

Recently Carter has taken up "smearing". At nap time, at night time, at potty time, he reaches into his diaper and well...(for those that have not yet parented a 2 yr old)....smears. On the wall, on the carpet, on himself, you name it.

Its awful! Call it "acting out" because of the new sister at home, blame it on "terrible twos" or just plain two. We call it the most frustrating thing to date. We've tried everything we can think of to shake this "smearing" from his little core, to no avail. And we really thought the wooden spoon, our final straw, was going to work...NOPE!

He got it so deeply into his carpet, that we had to either call Carpet Tech back again just weeks after being here, or facing the reality that we very well may need one on hand, go out and purchase a steam cleaner. That's $ I can think of numerous other ways to spend. AGH!

Stuck in the house on this rainy day, with a new baby, (stripped of extra cash for the month), we pudding painted. A smearers' delight!

(And leftover heaven for a Labrador Retriever!)

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we did it!

i took the kids, yes, both kids out without dan for the first time.
i did just as heather suggested, and put lilah in her carrier in the big part of the cart & carter sat in the seat facing me.
i utilized the bottom rack moreso than i ever have & played the game of trying to fit 64oz of juice & soup cans all around lilah's carrier in the cart.
we did it! and we'll do it thousands of times in the future, i'm sure!
oh my gosh, i have 2 kids! Pin It


confession: i miss the hospital.
the way time stood still.
dan & i, captured in this one little room a few floors above real life level.
our moms here to celebrate our little family.
nurses taking care of me & assuring me that i was doing well. room service delivering food & aids cleaning the room.
only having to concentrate on resting to heal & nursing lilah.

real life is going as well as i can ask. dan is home by 5:30. carter gets to go to church for pdo 2 days a week. lilah is only waking once a night & early in the am. i'm healing day by day & feeling more & more like myself. so i truly can't complain. which i guess is why this is titled confession. i feel somewhat like in order to voice these thoughts, i should be enclosed in a small booth exposing them to a hidden priest beside me. Pin It

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

totally agree with you christine of NYC, much bigger transition from 0 to 1 vs 1 to 2. so far that's what i can tell (not having tried to take them both out of the house alone).

going from no kids to having one, requires large changes mentally, along with lifestyle adjustments & marital flexibility. doing this 2 years ago, seems to have paved the way for adding #2 to our crew.

dan & I have reverted to our ways of coping with the baby waking through the night. we have successfully gotten back into the pattern of scheduling her days to acclimate her to have awake & play time during the day & really only wake enough to eat during the night. when one is busy with lilah, the other is with carter. its sort of neat to see how well we work as a team, with the same plan for reaching the same goal.

we're used to waiting for a movie to come out on dvd to see it and have just invested in home theater to make the experience something to look forward to. (another plus of scheduling is we know when our kids will go down for the night so we can plan for an in home "date night").

i'm looking forward now to figuring out how to get them both in a shopping cart along with anything I actually need to buy. maybe the limited space will mean i'll buy only essentials! and so far i'm limiting my housework, since my OB ordered me not to do ANY for 3 more weeks, but that may be pretty hard to juggle with 2 needy kiddos.

my baby bjorn carrier was supposed to be my big savior for times like these. turns out it was actually STOLEN from my least this is what the fed ex guy claims-says he delivered it & even came back to verify that this was indeed the doorstep. i suspect something fishy...since 2 other packages delivered on the same day, via another postal service were left on the porch. hmm...

we'll see... so far, not so bad. Pin It

Saturday, October 4, 2008

and the "baby moon" is over.

exhaustion is combated with coffee & naps when we can grab them. adrenaline no longer sustains us.

"why on earth does she want to open her 'are they gonna be blue?' eyes & have quality awake time between 2 & 4am?" is the culprit.

we're back to what cured this with baby carter...schedule! schedule! schedule!
which right now translates into get up, eat, STAY AWAKE for almost 2 hours & back to sleep.

the stay awake part is work, as any of you with 2 week old babies know. we have tricks up our sleeves from these days with carter. so far today, they're working!
hence, my ability to get online, check email, & post on my blog while dan is on a bike ride & BOTH kids are sleeping...ahhhh... Pin It
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