Friday, June 29, 2012

the "for worse" part

Becky: "That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie"

On this particular day, like most, I got each of my 3 kids dressed & fed, stocked the diaper bag, got every one in & out of the van, checked into the child care and made my way to the treadmill at our gym-which is across town. I was putting on my ear buds, ready to press play on Pandora when I got a phone call. My husband, with a full patient load ahead of him, couldn’t find his keys and worse, was quite sure he left them in the van the night before. Oh.My. LORD! Wishing, hoping, praying I didn’t find them as I rummaged through the usual spots, I called him back from the parking lot to report: no keys found.
"Check the bottom pocket of the BOB stroller in the trunk."
I had them.
He needed them.
I had no choice.
Well, actually I did.
Quite a doozie of a choice.
Silently, I rebuked him & his irresponsibility &threw a pity party for myself the whole way back into the gym and while I collected my kid from childcare.
So soon?

As I headed up the entrance to the highway it hit me: this is what I’ll love you…for worsemeans.

Time to make a choice.
By some act of God, I found mercy & even kissed him as I handed him the keys in the driveway.

I get spitting mad when he leaves the finger paint in armsreach after finishing a project with the kids, or drives thru Chick Fil A instead of making something of the groceries in the fridge, or leaves the garage door open, or he'd rather be inside than at the beach and talks about when we’re going to leave on the way there.

There are times I want to reply to his mid-day texts with something snide about how nice it must be to listen to NPR, work on his laptop at Starbucks, or drive through the most beautiful parts of the State-ALONE-while I’m at home listening to tattle-tailing and caring for an inconsolable, teething baby.

Of course, sometimes I’m hearing giggling and thank you, mommy and our son sounding out words for the first time. Just like sometimes he’s caring for a grumpy,smelly, non-compliant patient. It can change hour by hour, can’t it?

The same goes for feelings; they change often.
Commitment, though, remains. 
Noah & Ally make this sort of "it's not going to be easy. it's going to be really hard. and we're going to have to work at this every day" seem far more romantic than it is in the trenches.

Most moments I feel like the luckiest girl in the world that Dan Poulsen chose me, and not just because I got a pretty ring to wear in memory of his proposal.  It occurred to me as I’m reading this book about grace, that if I began to categorize these annoyances as the “for worse”part of my vows, they’re less likely to produce ugly thoughts & attitudes. 
After all, I committed.
And making it even easier, are all the “for worse” things that I bring to the relationship. For example: I push. And I have unrealistic expectations. I hate waking up in the morning and I almost never meet him at the door when he gets home.

PS: I can only write about this now because lately, I’m crazy about him and the “for better”seems to outweigh the “for worse”.

Besides, aren't we the lucky ones?
Our “for worse”isn’t so worse in comparison to worse things.

Remaining committed through “for poorer” and “in sickness” while much harder to navigate, contributes profoundly to a marriage.

“For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, ‘till death do us part.
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  1. Amen. I love this and thank you for your honesty. What makes marriage so beautiful is the love given during the "for worse" moments. What a great reminder - thanks for sharing!

  2. Hilarious about rather be inside than at the beach and talks about when leaving on the way there. I read that to Adam so he could have a bonding experience with Dan. Is that just a guy/dad thing? Crazy men :)

    Great post!


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