I scheduled the csection for the "how long can we wait without significantly upping the risk" date they offered.
Why would impatiently impatient me choose to wait? Simply, the two I have wear. me. out. Break. me. down.
Sure, they puff me up with pride so big and joy unspeakable but they balance it out with plenty of "are you kidding me?" moments. Impossibly close together. Think pitocin-induced contractions that come on so strong & without enough break between to get your bearings.
Yesterday morning started out with my 2 1/2 y/o shouting from the bathroom, "I went potty mommy! Like a hot dog!" Pride.
In the afternoon, my 5 y/o son shouting "Mommy. Lilah took off her poopy diaper! It's on the trampoline! She's climbing down with no pants on." Are you kidding me?
These days I'm not scouring the nurseries at ohdeedoh, I'm desperately clinging to all scriptures under "joy" and "patience" I can find on biblegateway. I've long past the 2 per month pledge I made on Jan 1 for memorizing the Word. I need more than that. Hopefully it's cancelling out all the ugly things I'm saying in my head through the day. I'm writing them on index cards, even creating fun printouts to frame in conspicuous places around the house.
I love this one from etsy:
The rest of the chapter is quite powerful & worth sharing, in case mornings are a breeze for you & you can't relate in the least to what I'm writing today. (btw: you are blessed & highly favored among women!)
Remember when I told you I stood crying in the first worship service at our new church? She was singing this song. I've loved it for years. Not a mainstream song, so it always felt like it was mine as it rang in my home & my car & my heart. I've never heard it in a service before or sang it myself publicly, so when I heard the first chords I felt God was telling me I was home here at this church. Repeating "I will rejoice and be glad" was...well, now I'm starting to feel tears coming & my kids are waking up so I can't go there."God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress...
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.”The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress."
Anyway, rejoice & be glad, friend. The Lord is with you. You will not fail. He will help you. Pin It