Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Mom's away. Dad doesn't know. Nana is in town. Now what?

1.Mommy is out of town

2.Daddy doesn't know mommy's quest to keep all commercial characters on pjs, swim trunks & undies only.
Oh, the number of times I have diverted his attention to the just plain lion (not Simba) or monkey (not George) shirt.
Oh, the ways I've created enthusiasm over a preppy hoodie from GapKids-he even started calling them "Yoda hoods".

3.Daddy laughs at mommy's aversion to lightup tv character shoes & primary colored comic book character hats.

4.Nana is in town.

5.A simple trip to Target, armed with her own wallet combined with the bright-blue-eyed-3-year-old-grandson-she-hardly-sees, who is all too privy to what "I want that!" said to Nana means as compared to said to his parents.
6. He couldn't be happier.

7. Now what?

I still can't believe he even LIKES these comic book guys. He'd never seen a cartoon or read a book, yet he has been drawn to them for over a year now.
No older cousins or siblings around to blame. Daddy has certainly perpetuated his affection for all things super-powered with the affirmitave, testosterone-charged, grunt, "yeah".
Still, he responded to them from just 2 years old as if he'd known them since birth.
Of course I know Spiderman, mom.

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Monday, April 27, 2009


Carter for coming up all on his own with the idea to "make mommy a card" for my return from time with irreplaceable girlfriends

Dan for not needing me near as much as last year when I made this trip! (and this time, Carter broke out in hives all over his body. We learned he, like mommy, is allergic to PCN)

Friendships that have successfully transitioned from bonding over ideals for marriage, family, ministry to doing our best to live out those ideals now in the thick of it.

Making bread from scratch! Came out so yummy & is now to be a staple at our pasta dinners, and will forever remind me of my Springfield visit.

A leap of faith. Personal sacrifice. Keeping boundaries.
Thank God for wise counsel!
Boy, is it hard to cut out a good thing for the sake of another.
There's one thing I'm determined to do to as great a degree as I have the power, and that is "catch the...little foxes that spoil the vineyards".

Dr. Daniel Poulsen
I admit, I was quite ashamed to think that I ask him to change diapers and considered myself better than he, since I can load the dishwasher much more efficiently. Sitting in that room, while experts in both education & physiology listened to his defense & praised him for his work, I was impressed. Completely confused & finally giving up trying to understand what sounded like a foreign language he was speaking so fluently, I just enjoyed the view of him all crisped up in his tailored suit & using little to no vocal pauses & perfect grammar.
What a man! I'm so lucky he chose me.
He just fancied up our address labels quite a bit! Pin It

Thursday, April 16, 2009

I can't get over how tranquil-yes, tranquil the feeling of DFW today.
Just me and my bag navigating through Skylink, up the escalators-no stroller needing the elevator today.

I swear it's not just that I have no kids hanging on me or a mental must-do list to provide sanity for the next flight. Sure, going into the bathroom stall alone is remarkably relaxing. I feel very exposed, am much more aware of my outfit & accessories walking without my party of 4.

It's noon o'clock. No impatient passengers in my line for coffee & a bagel. Just patiently-seriously, patiently waiting rollerbag-clad folks in the lines I'm passing through the terminal. Even the moms and kids need no looks of empathy today or a hand from a knowing mom.

Everything is running strangely smooth around me.

And I remember what traveling used to feel like. Minus the crowds of people feeling deceived & displaced & disregarded.

I remember entering in my flight attendant dress, badge around my neck, bag rolling behind me on my way to wherever my line required. I was happy darting from IAD to ORD or IAD to ORF. Carefree & smiley. The pack of tickets that I could fill out & hand in at any gate and fill any open seat on United was the culprit I think.

Anyway, I'm on my way back to my old life. Meeting my college friends, in my college town. Wondering if while our lives are vastly different today from the old days, will it all feel the same for these few days?

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Friday, April 10, 2009


"You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift....
It is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned."
-J.K. Rowling 2008 Harvard commencement address

We only met 13 months before we wed. Neither of us had ever been more certain of Divine ordination.

He had recently deferred his acceptance into medical school to continue research, local football hero, completely content to live in the western corner of NY for the rest of his life.

I grew up minutes down the road from where he was making sports headlines, but it comes as no surprise that our paths never crossed.

Most comfortable in church ministry, I graduated from Bible school in the Midwest, while he had only recently replanted his Godly roots. Working as a flight attendant, I was living outside of DC and avoiding ever living back in WNY as if my life depended on it.

His phone call. Many emails. A very nerve-wrecking blind date. Butterflies when the phone rang. Flowers & long-goodbyes at airport security. A whopping diamond ring on a bridge in Central Park.
7 years, 2 kids, and a move across the country later, we're madly in love; sometimes plain mad & sometimes madly loving.

I've often cried out to God wondering why he put us together. It would be so much easier to mesh together if I were simply called to be a housewife & mom. Or if he were called into full-time church ministry. But would it? And can it really be this exciting if it's that easy?

Sometimes the very things that we admire about one another are the roadblocks we stumble upon time & time again.

Our relationship, if likened to an onscreen romance can be seen in Noah & Aly in The Notebook. Passionate. Drastically different and surprisingly similar, simultaneously. Undeniable chemistry.

Anyway, when I ran across J.K. Rowling's commencement address (above) it brought clarity to me in this time where once again, we are being tested. I agree with Ms Rowling.

I couldn't be more grateful for the knowledge that once we're on the other side of this adversity, we'll be stronger, closer, even when it seems like we couldn't possibly be any moreso than we are now.

Thankful for equal commitment to facing adversity.
Blessed that this adversity doesn't come in the form of an affair or illness.
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Can't blame him

I went from eating salads with grilled chicken, oatmeal, and protein bars every day for weeks to "celebration eating" while Heather was here for 4 days.
I hit the gym the morning after we dropped her at the airport. Turbo Kick for an hour & some kill-my-abs work afterward. I deserved the pain after all that feasting.

By Wednesday night I had a stomach ache that felt like food poisoning with a side of post-cesarean section pain. Not sure what the source. I barely made it through the day on Thursday...sick, sick, sick.

Sweet husband of mine came home & took over. While I tried to resist burying myself in bed until the kids went to sleep, by 7something, Dan just said "go to bed". I obeyed.

He seemed awfully content & rested with no "you owe me" undertones when we woke up this morning. Impressive. The hour or so before bedtime is a two man job, even if just for moral support around here these days. He did it all alone. Wow.

Then I got out of bed & stumbled into the kitchen to find:
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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I think I was "let go" from Girl Scouts back in the day. Too much of a class clown or something. Maybe my mom remembers it better. I'll have to ask. I don't remember being disappointed.

But I do remember holding hands in the circle singing
"Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver and the other's gold"

I'm not sure whether the new or the old friend is golden according to Girl Scouts. This weekend my oldest (not by birthday) friend was golden. Absolutely perfect timing for a four day conversation, plenty of finishing sentences & picking up on thoughts interrupted by one of the 3 sick kids between us. I'm hoping that my 3 year old didn't pick up on any of the sex talks, when we thought he was sleeping in there. I'm thankful for the perfect questions begetting honest answers. I'm still pondering some words spoken. And laughter; good like medicine.

Back in high school we were a whole lot more alike than our choices since then seem to prove. And you know what, I'm not sure we'd end up in the same circle today. While she has prayed through all 5 pregnancies to end in drug-free childbirth complete with the previously selected song for the moment, I checked into the hospital with my name & my request for an epidural & ended up delivering my 2 by c-section. She buys her milk from a cow, unpasteurized & I get mine at Sam's Club.

The many ways we are almost freakishly similar, combined with our differences have made for a fantastic friendship. I'm thankful for committed & loyal friends. Willing to share the truth, in love when it's necessary & able to encourage us to remain true to ourselves.

She arrived after Carter had already gone to sleep for the night. He has only briefly seen her a few times in his short 3 year life. But when he came stumbling out of his room in the morning & she was sitting on the sofa across from me. He bypassed me completely & nuzzled into her.

What a surprise! And at the same time not at all.

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

It started a couple of weeks ago.

I got a tub of rainbow chip frosting. Free with another purchase. How could I leave it on the shelf? I SO should have because a few days later I opened it up & ate 3 spoonfuls!

Then, I went through baby clothes to give away & couldn't part with them.

My emotional responses to things came to a head when I was merging into the left lane & a Cadillac man honked SO loudly at me, tears streamed down my face until the next light.

This week I'm one week "late".

Haven't even had time to process this myself, but I'm going to need support

(though I wish they were not, all confessions preceding the photo are completely true.)
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