Friday, March 28, 2008

just the 2 of us

We're in the final stretch of just the 2 (plus rocco) of us, until Dan returns from Orlando tomorrow. After how desperate Dan sounded while I was away a few weekends ago, I was interested to see if I'd feel much the same while he was gone this week. Not the case. My neighbors can testify to the fact that I have a major nighttime panic, but other than that it's been smooth sailing.

The nighttime thing goes way back for me though. I can remember being 6 years old & sleeping in the front room of our apt in NY & my dad would be gone at night & I'd be TERRIFIED. My mom pasted "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world" on my wall along with other affirming scriptures to get me through. She never complained when I came to her in the middle of the night for comfort or because I'd wet the bed, yes, wet the bed. I did that at random until far after it was "normal". I didn't struggle with it much from Jr High through college, but now that I've been married I guess I have retreated to relying on Dan for security & the lack of it freaks me out. I can remember begging him while we were dating to stay at my apt with me, and offering to sleep on the floor so that he could have the bed. I just didn't want him to leave me alone at night. All to say, I've been praying myself to sleep the past few nights & I'll be doing so tonight, I'm sure.

I've kept myself busy with projects & rented some girly movies that I don't want to bother Dan to watch. Carter & I have been all over town doing activities & we've hung out with a bunch of his little friends & their moms. He borrowed his first library books yesterday. This boys loves reading & sometimes I catch him just staring at the pages. Last night, for instance, I had done his bedtime routine, tucked him into bed & unplugged his lamp (you'll see why in a min.). Got busy doing somethings I had waited for him to be in bed to do & about 20 min had passed. I started to watch one of my girly movies & I hear some noise from his bedroom. Sure enough, the lamp has been plugged in & his noisemaker is turned off. Carter was sitting in his chair surrounded by books & looked up from the one he was "reading" and grinned, completely free of any "i got caught" remorse & cheerfully said, "hi mommy!" then looked back down & started "reading" where he'd left off!! OH, MY!!

He has been charming me to the max this past couple of weeks. Waking up in the morning & coming to me in bed to say with a toothy smile "hi, mommy! g' morning!". He's been cupping my cheeks with his hands & kissing me. The things he says, moreso, the way he says them are just stealing my heart.

I have to trust my friends that have gone before me that I'll have enough heart for this next baby. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love Carter & Dan. My heart is full!

Must go, 'Curious George' is over! Pin It

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

spring cleaning or nesting?

Am I alone? Or is there such a thing as 2nd trimester nesting? Just rounded into my 2nd trimester. Which the nausea is mostly passed & those headaches & paralyzing fatigue seem to be gone too, in came this flood of "clean this, organize that"! You know me, I clean & organize as hobbies most often, but this is different. I have completely emptied the closet in the new baby's room. It had been our "everything" closet; storing extra linens, wrapping paper & craft supplies, photo negatives from our wedding, pictures & frames, electronics & a ton of Dan's book collection. (Lucky for baby #2 this is a very spacious closet).

All of that has been relocated & perfectly organized somewhere else in the house. I have been cleaning window sils & cabinet faces, tightening knobs & drawer pulls. Mr Carter has even taken it on as a great pasttime, leaving behind his toys & crayons & picking up a sponge & a broom! I even let him vacuum the kitchen & "dust". He loves it. Music is blasting & he couldn't feel taller or more capable. And I couldn't feel more energized!

We (Carter & I) heard the baby's heartbeat yesterday at the Drs office. I'll be seeing a high risk dr. next week for an ultrasound. They'd scheduled me with a high risk dr. based on the miscarriage that I had prior to Carter. Can't be too cautious. Although the OB that I used for my pregnancy with Carter didn't even bat an eyelash at my last miscarriage. Hopefully this is a sign that my new OB (whom we're very happy with) will be more thorough & careful.

I'm desperately trying to "forget" that I'm pregnant for the next few months, because I just get so anxious & want to jump forward to delivery & bringing the baby home. I have a stack of paint samples in colors for both boy or girl nurseries! OUT OF HAND! Pin It

Thursday, March 20, 2008

eye of the beholder

carter's new years' resolution has turned out to be starting his mornings before the sun rises. imagine my pleasure when he crawled into bed beside us this morning after 7am! it gets even better...
dan had to jump out to get in the shower, which meant the light shone through into our room & carter turned to look up at me, still lying there (desperately pleading with God to keep carter in this lax morning mood). he traced his hand on the lace neckline of my pjs & looked up at my face to say "mommy...pretty".
later that afternoon, i decided to let him watch 'Shrek' (reigning favorite). i figured i deserved it....i mean, he deserved it...after a full day of using our imaginations & energy. at some point in the movie he came bounding out of his chair to me & said "mommy...pretty princess...princess...pretty"

i guess beauty is in the eye of the beholder. and to carter, i rank right up there with the OGRE princess!
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Monday, March 17, 2008

Okay, I'm back...

A young doe-eyed girl from Kansas once said, "There's no place like home". Right now, I couldn't agree more.

It's funny too because growing up I was steadfast in my plans to NEVER end up back home. Back in an upstate NY city, where just about anywhere else I visited seemed filled with more opportunity to grow & explore. Have lived in a bunch of cities & spent time in even more. I mean I was a flight attendant for goodness sake! If that doesn't tell you I like to be on the move & that I get terribly bored in one place, I don't know what would.

But here I am, practically living out Bill Murray's life on Groundhog Day each day, and there's no place I'd rather be. Well, until I get the itch to go somewhere again, HA! That just came out. I should delete it because it's contrary to my whole point, but it's staying.

Many different appts as well as exciting activities have drawn me away from home this past couple of months. And I have to say, I've only grown to appreciate home more. I adore my attentive & loving husband, though he was borderline clinically depressed while I was in Phoenix! I just can't hold on long enough to Carter lately. He seems to be so much more fun by the day, and so much more difficult to manage at the same rate. I'm deeply grateful for how loving each of them has changed me & caused me to grow more like Christ.

I got the fantastic opportunity this month to visit with my closest friends, who are more like sisters to me than friends, really. The red-haired one that everyone enjoys being around had a baby girl in Jan. We all landed in Phoenix from our respective cities across the US for a VERY refreshing MUST DO AT LEAST ONCE A YEAR gathering. Two of us are pregnant & due in the fall, one of us is moving to a swanky city in Europe soon, and the other is conquering lifetime goals one after the other. Oh it's the best to just laugh & carry on about things that we all find humorous, to make & enjoy food together, to share how our lives have changed & of course, to critique the final 3 collections on Project Runway. Loved it all. It's Boston, next, right ladies?

Coming home I couldn't resist the feeling that all of this time away-in Phoenix, with Women's conference stuff, about-town responsibilities & socials-just confirms to me that my heart is most content at home.

Back in college, my aunt told me that she hesitated when moving away from all of her family as a young married woman, but realized very quickly that home is wherever her husband is. I just never forgot that. Has certainly been true for me. And I realize that now more than ever.

Home: Dan, Carter, (& Rocco). There's no place like home. Pin It
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