Friday, March 28, 2008

just the 2 of us

We're in the final stretch of just the 2 (plus rocco) of us, until Dan returns from Orlando tomorrow. After how desperate Dan sounded while I was away a few weekends ago, I was interested to see if I'd feel much the same while he was gone this week. Not the case. My neighbors can testify to the fact that I have a major nighttime panic, but other than that it's been smooth sailing.

The nighttime thing goes way back for me though. I can remember being 6 years old & sleeping in the front room of our apt in NY & my dad would be gone at night & I'd be TERRIFIED. My mom pasted "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world" on my wall along with other affirming scriptures to get me through. She never complained when I came to her in the middle of the night for comfort or because I'd wet the bed, yes, wet the bed. I did that at random until far after it was "normal". I didn't struggle with it much from Jr High through college, but now that I've been married I guess I have retreated to relying on Dan for security & the lack of it freaks me out. I can remember begging him while we were dating to stay at my apt with me, and offering to sleep on the floor so that he could have the bed. I just didn't want him to leave me alone at night. All to say, I've been praying myself to sleep the past few nights & I'll be doing so tonight, I'm sure.

I've kept myself busy with projects & rented some girly movies that I don't want to bother Dan to watch. Carter & I have been all over town doing activities & we've hung out with a bunch of his little friends & their moms. He borrowed his first library books yesterday. This boys loves reading & sometimes I catch him just staring at the pages. Last night, for instance, I had done his bedtime routine, tucked him into bed & unplugged his lamp (you'll see why in a min.). Got busy doing somethings I had waited for him to be in bed to do & about 20 min had passed. I started to watch one of my girly movies & I hear some noise from his bedroom. Sure enough, the lamp has been plugged in & his noisemaker is turned off. Carter was sitting in his chair surrounded by books & looked up from the one he was "reading" and grinned, completely free of any "i got caught" remorse & cheerfully said, "hi mommy!" then looked back down & started "reading" where he'd left off!! OH, MY!!

He has been charming me to the max this past couple of weeks. Waking up in the morning & coming to me in bed to say with a toothy smile "hi, mommy! g' morning!". He's been cupping my cheeks with his hands & kissing me. The things he says, moreso, the way he says them are just stealing my heart.

I have to trust my friends that have gone before me that I'll have enough heart for this next baby. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love Carter & Dan. My heart is full!

Must go, 'Curious George' is over! Pin It

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