You can click to enlarge the collage.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Carter is starting to worry me a bit with the whole Christmas thing. I was super excited that he could actually understand the concept of Christmas morning this year. He knows presents arrive via Santa down our fireplace, we leaves cookies for Santa & carrots for reindeer....the whole thing. We made a collage of all the toys he had been pining for in Target's Christmas catalog by cutting out & gluing them to papers, writing a "Dear Santa, please bring me these toys" request. He even stamped it and took it out & put it in our mailbox & put up the red flag for the mailman. It was precious. Great first memories.
Now, I'm trying to fill him in on the "true meaning of Christmas". Maybe I should have mentioned this said "true meaning" BEFORE I mentioned Santa & the presents! You think?
Its been interesting around here trying to fit the two Christmas events together in his head. Even more interesting is trying to get a 2 year old- wide-eyed with anticipation for all the toys he sees on TV to end up under his tree to be deeply affected by God sending us Jesus! "The first and most important present" is my spin!
This is just the beginning of hoping that we, as his parents, can represent Jesus as supreme in our lives amongst all that can distract us. God help us! Pin It
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Dan and I are both so excited for Christmas morning this year, since this is the first time Carter grasped the anticipation of Santa coming and putting presents under the tree. He is almost daily reminding me that we'll need to make sure the fire is out so Santa doesn't get burned coming down!
We've watched a plethora of classic Christmas movie showings-(has anyone else noticed that some of these classics are quite scary...i mean, i've spent a good deal of time trying to explain away the "scary guys".)
Today was our shopping trip. And boy, did we ever check things off of his list. Such fun!
The challenge has become hiding it all. Next, will be a wrapping party!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
A new day.
Yesterday was SIGNIFICANTLY better. For those of you that are following my saga. Nothing like the day before. The Sensitive formula is not making matters worse-my fear. So, we're going to stick it out at least a week and perhaps stay with it.
She screamed through my visit with our security system tech & then screamed later on when we had another visitor. Terribly embarrassing for me, but thankfully, each visitor seemed unphased. (And really why should they be...I'm the one bouncing & rocking & walking back & forth-sometimes all at once!)
She cried herself to sleep & here she is...angelic as can be!
Anyway, I had so many responses to my last post. The scripture seems to be speaking to many of you. And I am super encouraged to know that I am not the only one grasping for Divine hope and peace to sustain me through my current struggle. Also, while I feel that my battle is insignificant compared to many, and confessing my struggle made me uncomfortable & very humbled, I am so grateful that I shared. One thing is for sure, I have some great friends! Pin It
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Dan came home & I jetted out of the house for some peace. It was a hard day. Really hard. Mostly hard on my confidence. I'm giving this all that I have, and its not enough. Not enough to change how she cries most, if not all of her waking hours. I feel powerless.
I've received advice from several sweet mom friends. I welcome it; wishing that something they'd say would be something I haven't tried. Turns out we've tried it all. Which makes me feel hopeless. And hopeless is a hard place for an optimist to be.
This is what I read in the Bible last night,
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15: 13
My prayer for me. My prayer for you. Whatever you're struggling with, whatever you're trusting God for...
"May the God of hope fill you with all joy (that is our strength)
and peace (that passes all understanding) as you trust in Him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Pin It
Monday, November 3, 2008
So this week God seemed so near. First off, my brother planned to come to Lubbock to visit Lilah this summer & booked a trip here for this weekend. Since he's an avid football fan, and I've always wanted him to experience a Tech game, we tried to pick a weekend that there was a home game. And boy was there a home game! It ended up being the College Game Day pick of the week! The city's enthusiasm was electric!
Our very generous friend offered us 3 seats near the 40yd line. Our first & only choice babysitter, also a Tech student, was perhaps the only student in town not planning to camp out for seats to the game & more than happy to babysit our kids. Even with a colicky baby, I got to the game in time for kick off.
When I think of sports fan: I think of my brothers. Game after game blaring from the tv all week long. I fought to watch anything not reported on ESPN all growing up; whatever that season's sport, they're fans! They've played, they have fantasy teams, now even ref games after work. I'm pretty sure they approved of Dan, not because he's a gentlemen, but because he's a Division I football player!
So for my brother to have happened to pick the game, that wound up getting him face to face with Kirk & Lee & watching legendary Bob Knight exclaim "I deeply hope we beat their butts (my word)" I believe God was involved.
Oh and...we did beat their butts! 4 quarters packed with a safety, a pick-6, a fumble, interception & more sacks than any poor Heisman front-runner should endure...and with :01 left on the clock, the perfect pass, the mind-boggling catch & winning TD!
I've been wanting to add something orange to the ledge in Carter's room where I'm compiling sports memorabilia for months....and Dan came home with a poster size "ESPN College Game Day" sign in none other than Home Depot orange! IT'S PERFECT!
Oh...and Matthew McConaughey was here.
My very own US Weekly "Just like US" moment!
The UT fan, was there on the sidelines with Camilla & their baby, Levi all swaddled up in her baby wrap.
What a great weekend!
PS: YES, you may have seen another familiar gorgeous face on national tv that game: my husband! He was directly behind Lee on Game Day at the end of the game. HE JUMPED ONTO THE FIELD along with the other crazed fans when we won the game!
Do you see Dan? Just about dead center. Guns up!
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
And he was dead serious. And honestly, when I met him I had that kind of hunch about him, "he's going somewhere." And the longer I've lived with him, the more I believe he not only deserves to get paid what he's worth for his rare blend of hard work & intelligence, but he just may not stop until he does.
"Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it"
My first reaction...Well, after I gave him the "honey, you can do anything!" look.
He's had more & more opportunity to make more & more money since we moved here. Which has been (and not just because of the $ part) one of the blaring confirmations that God has gone before us & lead us to Texas. Welcome confirmation, especially on the way home from church when we want nothing more than to be lounging around his mom's house with our family watching kids play.
I'm conflicted though. I want it all. I want the freedom that more & more money in the bank brings us. But I also want him to go into work late & come home early with no extra time away from family in the evenings or weekends. Perhaps, that's the real reason why I thought of the possibility that God isn't "building the house".
There is nothing like a happy husband though. I mean I don't really want him home early or all weekend if he doesn't have the deep sense of satisfaction that a man needs; reaching his goals, providing the life he wants for his family. For us, each a part of a family on welfare & feasting on government cheese at one point in our lives, the drive to surpass the odds is that much greater.
So here's to wanting it all, but only really wanting what God is building!
"Protect us from ourselves dear Lord. Preserve our family values and let us be wholly present in this precious time with young ones. Remind us to enjoy what we have on the way to where we are headed. You are good! You are faithful, God. Amen." Pin It
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Missing out on girls coffee nights, not engaged in a weekly Bible Study at church, and on a "maternity leave" from worship ministry, I'm pretty much feeling the withdrawl from the social outlets I've enjoyed until now.
All to say, I dropped Carter off at the church for PDO on Monday & headed over to the local Lifeway Store. No coupon or sale to give me permission to buy, just believing that God would use it when I did get the chance to crack it open. The salesperson greeted me & offered to find it on the shelf for me, only to report they had no more in stock.
Turns out, while I was skimming the shelves for something else to pop out at me, there it was! And I've so enjoyed it. Again, it's read here & there when time permits, and its nothing other than reflections on motherhood by one of my favorite ladies right now, Beth Moore. But it makes me feel like I'm not alone, much like sitting around a wooden table with my friends on Thursday nights does.
(ps: tonight will mark my return to that table! not a moment too soon!)
This is among the first parts that stood out to me:
My firstborn changed all that. Suddenly I had no defense. The walls came tumbling down, and my heart lay utterly exposed to human elements....I'm not sure I can articulate what I felt. Sometimes emotions simply defy explanation, but I felt that something outside of me finally had the ability to kill me-shatter me...she made it all the way in.
My first experiences with unprotected love were excruciating.
Love literally hurt. I would hold her in my arms and rock her for several hours at a time, and the tears would pour down my cheeks."
Thursday, October 16, 2008
she gave us a run for our money last night. (what does 'run for our money' actually mean, i'm not sure, but it sounds right there.) we tried everything to get her to settle down & to comfort her for hours. poor little girl, was arching her back & screaming out in pain, she moved around like she was trying to escape her torturous little body. we pulled out all the tricks for soothing...and tried some that were made up on the spot, nothing worked. after hours, we resorted to wrestling her into her car seat & pajama-clad dan drove her around (she's fallen asleep everytime she's been in the car in her 4 weeks of life). of course, he arrived with her fast asleep, nestled in that oh so cozy JJ Cole bundle me. finally, we could get into bed & just as we settled in, she came blaring across the monitor.
over and over, through the night we soothed her enough to sleep & just minutes later we'd have to start again. i say we, but honestly, after around 1am it was my sweet husband doing everything. and even this morning, he went into work late, so that i could sleep. (when he came into bed at 5am-ish & told me he'd called into work, I thought 'sure, you've been up all night! how could you go to work' and turns out he was doing it for me! what a gem!)
we've decided the cause of her pain was the switch from Similac to Enfamil. we'd run out of Similac & instead of buying a new can, i decided to use the free sample of Enfamil that i had in the pantry. her first Enfamil bottle was just before all of this began. God bless Target for staying open until 10pm! dan got there just in time & we were able to give her the Similac through the night-after which we saw definite change. Similac it is...Similac it will remain.
i have to praise God for my husband. seriously, he's just heads above the rest. i decided to have a roast with mushrooms & carrots & potatoes and yummy hot dinner rolls waiting for him when he gets home instead of milking the leftover lasagna for the 4th day!
its getting harder & harder to maintain abstinence. feels a bit like holding onto my virginity before marriage! and just like before marriage...there's good food for our indulgence! Pin It
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Recently Carter has taken up "smearing". At nap time, at night time, at potty time, he reaches into his diaper and well...(for those that have not yet parented a 2 yr old)....smears. On the wall, on the carpet, on himself, you name it.
Its awful! Call it "acting out" because of the new sister at home, blame it on "terrible twos" or just plain two. We call it the most frustrating thing to date. We've tried everything we can think of to shake this "smearing" from his little core, to no avail. And we really thought the wooden spoon, our final straw, was going to work...NOPE!
He got it so deeply into his carpet, that we had to either call Carpet Tech back again just weeks after being here, or facing the reality that we very well may need one on hand, go out and purchase a steam cleaner. That's $ I can think of numerous other ways to spend. AGH!
Stuck in the house on this rainy day, with a new baby, (stripped of extra cash for the month), we pudding painted. A smearers' delight!
(And leftover heaven for a Labrador Retriever!)
i did just as heather suggested, and put lilah in her carrier in the big part of the cart & carter sat in the seat facing me.
i utilized the bottom rack moreso than i ever have & played the game of trying to fit 64oz of juice & soup cans all around lilah's carrier in the cart.
we did it! and we'll do it thousands of times in the future, i'm sure!
oh my gosh, i have 2 kids! Pin It
the way time stood still.
dan & i, captured in this one little room a few floors above real life level.
our moms here to celebrate our little family.
nurses taking care of me & assuring me that i was doing well. room service delivering food & aids cleaning the room.
only having to concentrate on resting to heal & nursing lilah.
real life is going as well as i can ask. dan is home by 5:30. carter gets to go to church for pdo 2 days a week. lilah is only waking once a night & early in the am. i'm healing day by day & feeling more & more like myself. so i truly can't complain. which i guess is why this is titled confession. i feel somewhat like in order to voice these thoughts, i should be enclosed in a small booth exposing them to a hidden priest beside me. Pin It
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
going from no kids to having one, requires large changes mentally, along with lifestyle adjustments & marital flexibility. doing this 2 years ago, seems to have paved the way for adding #2 to our crew.
dan & I have reverted to our ways of coping with the baby waking through the night. we have successfully gotten back into the pattern of scheduling her days to acclimate her to have awake & play time during the day & really only wake enough to eat during the night. when one is busy with lilah, the other is with carter. its sort of neat to see how well we work as a team, with the same plan for reaching the same goal.
we're used to waiting for a movie to come out on dvd to see it and have just invested in home theater to make the experience something to look forward to. (another plus of scheduling is we know when our kids will go down for the night so we can plan for an in home "date night").
i'm looking forward now to figuring out how to get them both in a shopping cart along with anything I actually need to buy. maybe the limited space will mean i'll buy only essentials! and so far i'm limiting my housework, since my OB ordered me not to do ANY for 3 more weeks, but that may be pretty hard to juggle with 2 needy kiddos.
my baby bjorn carrier was supposed to be my big savior for times like these. turns out it was actually STOLEN from my frontporch...at least this is what the fed ex guy claims-says he delivered it & even came back to verify that this was indeed the doorstep. i suspect something fishy...since 2 other packages delivered on the same day, via another postal service were left on the porch. hmm...
we'll see... so far, not so bad. Pin It
Saturday, October 4, 2008
exhaustion is combated with coffee & naps when we can grab them. adrenaline no longer sustains us.
"why on earth does she want to open her 'are they gonna be blue?' eyes & have quality awake time between 2 & 4am?" is the culprit.
we're back to what cured this with baby carter...schedule! schedule! schedule!
which right now translates into get up, eat, STAY AWAKE for almost 2 hours & back to sleep.
the stay awake part is work, as any of you with 2 week old babies know. we have tricks up our sleeves from these days with carter. so far today, they're working!
hence, my ability to get online, check email, & post on my blog while dan is on a bike ride & BOTH kids are sleeping...ahhhh... Pin It
Monday, September 29, 2008
there i was in my hospital bed, fresh out of the recovery room, when our moms came into my room with carter. precious 2 1/2 year old boy who's been talking about "baby sister wylah" for weeks. most likely figuring she existed in the form of his old room covered in pink & items "for girls" & all things "for babies, not big boys" in our house. he walked in with balloons & a birthday cake marked with "princess lilah" (which my mom informed me he requested it read: princess fiona, now believing it did).
no baby in my arms, i welcomed my first baby up into my bed, at this point, barely able to stretch my arms out to meet him let alone move over to make room for him. he climbed up onto me & trying to get closer, he jammed his knee into my incision & used it as leverage. HOLY *&^%#(!@^&!!! (symbols b/c there was no word adequate to release my pain & shock & OHMYGOSHTHATKILLEDME!)
in walked guilt. i saw his face, responding to my pain & i felt it...guilt.
how will i do this? how will i make sure he knows my pain is temporary? that the hours i'll spend feeding lilah & changing lilah & rocking lilah will progressively diminish. how will we assure him that we're still a family even though dan & i are sleeping at the hospital with lilah & he's going home with grammie, whom up until tues, he hadn't seen since june?
i felt guilty in the middle of the night for cherishing the hours nursing lilah, alone in the dark. i felt guilty for being alert & on the road to recovery enough that i could feed her & hold her through the day. (most of you know it was very different with baby carter. very different.)
i feel guilty now, even waiting until carter is napping or out of the house to hold her cuddly body close & rub her soft cheek against mine. i love her. i love her just like i love carter, but without loving carter any less. my heart has swelled somehow. it's true. you can love two.
i could barely imagine loving anyone like i love dan while i was expecting carter's arrival, now loving two babies...what does that quote say, "to have children is to have your heart walking around in the world." something like that. there goes my heart...both of them.
carter is gratefully, not responding to this guilt living inside of me. he is showing love & acceptance of his baby sister "wylah sophia" more everyday. my hope is that i'll tame this guilt or it will go away like some of the other emotions on this post-partum roller coaster. Pin It
Friday, September 26, 2008
Last night I woke to feed Lilah & found what I thought was a need for a diaper at night, but once the light was on & my eyes adjusted I saw that it was blood...almost everywhere. This is when I'm grateful for the hours of study my "Linus Larabee" has put into the human body. He woke up, washed his hands, cleaned & examined my wound. Took care of the baby's needs & made me stay put with pressure on the bleeding site. He did the same when I woke up 3 hours later to the same ickiness.
I just love this man! He took care of getting me into the OB, without an ounce of hesitation; in spite of the work that is waiting for him in the office. I feel secure when he is there, acting as my advocate. I feel unequivocally "chosen" when he looks at me.
I love him! I love him! I love him!
Can hardly wait for next week when he's home with us.
Here's to hoping real life doesn't consume this fantasy soon...
(PS: For the record...my mom has been a dream too. Taking care of everything & anything that comes up all day long. Most of the time before I can even notice the need. I just can't imagine this time without her either. And Carter certainly wouldn't be as well adjusted to the change without her attention & entertainment. Had to give her a shout out too!)
(Also for the record, the OB says all is fine. Wound perfectly closed & healing. Blood unexplained, perhaps just the wondrous body eliminating something potentially harmful. Phew!)
Thursday, September 25, 2008
So far so much better than I had even hoped for. Granted this is the honeymoon phase of the adventures of bringing home baby, but what a blissful week so far. I've even enjoyed the nighttime feedings. She eats, sleeps, fills her diaper, and starts again. Its the sleeping thing that has surprised me...she just sleeps all day long & even most of the night. I actually asked the MD yesterday at her 1 week check-up if the Hydrocodone was transferring through my milk to her, causing excessive sleep. He assured me it is perfectly normal & encouraged us to just enjoy it while it lasts.
And we are. With her sleeping so much, Carter gets little blips of only childhood throughout the day & has seemed to accept her into our family.
I'm recovering so well. Polar opposite from the week after Carter's birth. Praise God! The blessings seem to pour in day by day, sometimes hourly. We're surrounded. God is so good. His presence so close. What a miracle birth is!
PS: For those of you that had to gasp at the online photo album's cover, I apologize. And assure you that while I intended for it to be in the album, I certainly didn't select it as the album's cover-which it ended up being. Thankfully, most of you are just as interested in the photo as Dan & I are, but for those of you that were really grossed out, I'm so sorry. (well, sort of!) Pin It
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Obviously, I realize the point of these gatherings are to "shower" the new mom with things she'll need for the new baby. I knew when I was setting up my registry that potentially people could head into Target & walk out with one of the items with me in mind. I remember this feeling with Carter too, its overwhelming to imagine that without these generous friends & family contributing, Dan & I would have had to buy all of this stuff!
Pregnancy feels mainly, gasp, isolating to me, if I'm honest with you. So times like these when everyone is involved in the one thing I've been consumed by inside for months are a welcome experience. Especially since I really don't enjoy the "you should sit down", "you shouldn't be doing this or that" attention that comes with a growing abdomen & swelling nose. The pedicure, while provided for by a friend, wasn't actually given by a friend...that kind of pampering...bring it on!
As an added blessing, I got online to view my local Target's weekly ad & to my joy most of everything left on my registry is on sale this week, AND most of it has free shipping! Really?! The week before the baby comes, after my showers, when we're left to purchase remaining needs it's all on sale!! The temptation is to buy it all. Frankly, that's been my temptation since I started the registry! And my temptation every couple of days while Carter is in "school" and I'm free to roam any retail store in town.
I'm blessed. I really am blessed. I love the feeling that comes when you know that God has gone before you & surrounds you on your path. His presence is comforting & exhilarating like nothing else! Thank you friends & family for your generosity & support! Pin It
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Come on, I must not present myself accurately to her. I'm a DETAILGAL!
And those details include: I'm having a scheduled c-section on the 17th @39weeks, my mother-in-law will arrive a few days prior & mom the night before. Carter will be well cared for & entertained. I'll have a pre-ordered birthday cake for the baby & Carter can pick it up & choose some balloons to bring up to the hospital for our "Happy Birthday Baby Sister Party" (that believe it or not he's been planning for, Spiderman cake, Shrek & Yoda balloons & fire to blow out.)
Besides, I had a shower I was greatly looking forward to this morning that I just couldn't miss (those details to come...lovely blessing). I needed to make it through at least today.
This coming week is booked with to-do lists. I had yet to make the 5 freezer-friendly meals, the groceries will be bought in time for me to make them on Tuesday while Carter is at school. There were no diapers in the drawer, I had yet to set up the changing table & put wipes in the warmer!
I have nothing packed to go to the hospital. I'm undecided on whether or not to bring my new pjs or wear the old ones since they'll likely get something funky on them laying in that hospital bed. I have to get a bikini wax & should shave elsewhere before I enter the days of "lucky to get a shower a week".
I willed my platelet count to rise before & during my second blood draw. For the sake of the details left undone! No really, I didn't feel that it was the time. And honestly, though these well layed plans would be left undone, I kept thinking I could & would do it. I would take what came by way of my Drs call Wed afternoon with grace. But I didn't prepare anything to that end, in faith, believing that I could write this blog entry inviting you to count down the last 10 days with me!
I got an email recently proclaiming "Your baby is full term!" I'm going to miss those weekly emails from BabyCenter.com that I've already read b/c I can't wait until the actual day it arrives in my inbox to know what is happening that week or what will happen in the week to come, so I sneak ahead on their website for the scoop. I have a secret to reveal, while this is my 2nd time around at pregnancy & I'm not so much interested in "what to expect when you're expecting" or "how to care for your baby's umbilical cord stump", I've read every pregnancy, fit pregnancy, babytalk, parents, mom & baby magazine issue that I could get my greedy hands on in waiting rooms since Jan. I know you're not supposed to have time or interest in that after your first go at pregnancy, but not me. I can't get enough! There its out... Pin It
Friday, September 5, 2008
Finally, Sunday afternoon Dan decided we'd take him to Toys R Us & let him get a Yoda toy. We walked out with a Cars scooter & 2 Light sabers. He didn't even recognize their figurines of Yoda as the coveted "Yoda toy".
What he walked around carrying was this large gift bag with an image like this one plastered across the front. A gift bag! What on earth is he going to do with a gift bag?! For just a dollar or so more, we could buy him a Light saber! He had a blast with Daddy that afternoon playing "Yoda" with their new Light sabers.
Still, he wants a "Yoda toy".
We were watching TV when a car commercial came on. "Toy ota" was exclaimed & Carter lit up & cheered,
"Mommy. Toy yoda!!!"
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
It was a BIG day around here! Without any probing from me, Carter announced "Mommy. I go potty". I almost blew him off because we'd just finished going potty.
He did the whole routine: pull up down, stand on the stool, sit on the seat, I watch to be sure it streams into the bowl, we do the "carter went potty" dance & he gets up for his favorite part: flushing! We washed hands, which is never as simple as washing his hands, as those of you potty trainers well know. And after the pull up was back on & shorts were in place, we were done until the big hand went around the clock once more.
So...when he came to me & said "Mommy. I go potty" I half wondered if he was just wanting some more celebration for his accomplishment 5 min ago. I asked him what he meant & sure enough we were back on the toilet & I took my usual post, this time a tad...okay, a bunch less enthusiastic, mostly annoyed that he was wasting our time.
NOPE! He went potty!!! AND it was the first of its kind....YOU'VE GOT TO listen to the song below to hear what I mean (& just to get a big laugh...why didn't I come up with this song?!)
The Poopsmith Song
Monday, August 18, 2008
1 month from yesterday! Can hardly wait to get to the next phase of expecting: experiencing! Life with a new baby again, first time with a baby girl, being mom of 2; even with the inevitable sleep deprivation & challenges that are to come, I'm ready! This is a photo depicting a baby at this week of gestation. Pretty neat...Even better is the news that we'll get to see our own baby in 2 weeks. HOORAY! My OB scheduled another ultrasound today at my appt. Let's keep our fingers crossed that this time the baby is much more cooperative than last. (you may recall my entry regarding the much anticipated look into the womb only to find that she kept all picturesque anatomy hidden from the camera.) We'll see.We'll see the Dr weekly now until delivery. Carter will love that. We have a little routine (are you surprised?) down for visits now. The best of the city's playgrounds is just a couple of blocks from her office, so a stop there usually pre- or proceeds the visit. He's become well acquainted with the ladies in the office & hasn't walked out without both fists full of treats & a juice box for months now! Today he had them buzzing about this adorable thing he said...what a cutie!
The OB informed me today that I shouldn't rule out having to have a csection earlier than planned. I don't think my mom reads my blog, so I'm trusting this won't cause a stir. She, as well as Dan's mom & her husband are all set to arrive just before the scheduled csection on the 17th. Dan's mom comes in a few days before, but mine isn't set to arrive until the night before. All to say, having to head in for a csection earlier could really put a kink in the plans (moms being in the hospital for the birth, able to care for Carter while we're in the hospital, able to help us for a week once we're home transitioning). It could be get messy...but I'm not going to worry now. No reason to really (do I sound convincing?)
The OB simply was mentioning it because I've had some swelling in my legs & feet. No other symptoms of preeclampsia have shown, still she's looking for any signs @my weekly visits. My blood pressure & other tests have all been perfectly normal so far. Swelling, my OB agrees, is normal during this stage of pregnancy. I'm supposed to stay off of my feet as much as possible. She said, without ordering me, to "think bedrest" (yes, even with my bouncing 2 year old boy in the exam room with me! we'll see. dan says he'll take over more of the chores once he gets home from work at night. and again, i say, we'll see....) Pin It
Friday, August 15, 2008
I'm thankful for this little monkey, and his fellow tv entertainers, Caillou, Tigger & Pooh, Mickey Mouse & the clubhouse gang. And not because they provide energy-less entertainment for Carter. (Though, that may not be too far off in the near future. My OB has suggested that she may give me bed rest orders depending on the results of today's test. HA! Sure, bed rest is totally feasible with a 2 year old companion!)
No, today I'm thankful for these characters because as I've watched the cartoons with Carter, I've been able to catch George eating bananas, Rabbit plugging carrots, and Elmo celebrates all kinds of nutritious food. And my long time habit of learning a song-lyrics & melody after hearing it just once has come in handy too. You see, when I serve broccoli (because its green) it becomes "Shrek trees". And when I offer a banana, its "do you want a George banana?" or "how about one of Rabbit's carrots?". Sometimes this is accompanied by the little jingle from the cartoon or a made up dance to make the occasion exciting. The occasion of course in my head is "it's working! it's working! he's eating the carrots!" If that doesn't make you do a silly celebration dance, I don't know what could!
Anyway, we had to put this tactic to rest for a little while because I started to see that clever sparkle in his eye as he said "no carrots" a few weeks back. But this week it's back & better than ever.
I'm sure I didn't invent this little form of well...manipulation, but in case you haven't tried it & you're tired of chicken nuggets & fries disappearing from the plate leaving broccoli ("shrek trees") in the dust, give it a whirl. Enthusiasm is key...well that and actually recalling which character your child has seen scarfing the fruit or veggie on the plate.
(I've also found that Jessica Seinfeld's recipes in "Deceptively Delicious" are yummy & packed with a hardly detectable produce puree.) Pin It
Sunday, August 10, 2008
We've experienced the loss of a baby and the loss of a parent. We've made it through the fear of losing Carter & the complications from his delivery. We've celebrated new birth in the family, welcomed a new wife/sister, and a husband for a mom.
My favorite aspects just may be how being married to Dan, exposed to his admirable qualities & his love languages, has made me a better version of myself. He's been patient with me as I've worked to shed some not-so-appealing qualities & has served as cheerleader for my best. I love that we, especially now being separated from all family & familiarity, have come together to endure hard times as well as establish our new family of 3,4, well 5 if you count our dog, Rocco, (as you know I do!)
I have been surprised by how submitting to Dan's way of handling money (quite different from my former "spend what you have & even borrow from what you expect to get" mentality) has blessed our finances. And I still get to snatch up that great bargain I find at TJMaxx & give into my Keva Juice & Starbucks habits.
I love that I would still choose him over any man I've met to date. I love that he still chooses me day after day. I'm most grateful that together we'll set a new precedent for future generations with a mom & dad that are devoted to one another & to the Lord, committed to our children & the purposes that God has laid out for us all. GOD IS SO GOOD!
Pictured are the flowers that Carter picked out with Daddy to surprise me with. Beside them are the last 2 sets of our wedding china that my generous & faithful mom has been gifting us with yearly since our 1st anniversary.
I am blessed. Pin It
Monday, July 28, 2008
today was a big day for me. i had been looking forward to the ultrasound this morning for many weeks. the last time we were there the technician cheerfully told me that i'd love this one. b/c of how late i am in my pregnancy, they can see & send me home with pictures of the baby that are nearly glimpses of her at birth. i hadn't had one this late in pregnancy with carter, so this was going to be an exciting first.
we got up pretty close to last minute (let's just say nobody is sleeping well in our house these days) so there was no time for me to grab breakfast (which may or may not have affected the outcome of the ultrasound). i did have a bit of coffee & some water before it began.
the techs are really relatable & knowledgeable at this office. she was really patient in trying to get a good glimpse & even stepped out for a while to give the baby some time to move, but to no avail. she had her head face down & legs tucked closely together up under her belly the whole time we were looking at her. she just didn't want to cooperate.
thankfully, i'm not blogging with disappointment in some health risk that was detected. all of her essential parts were visible enough for examination & checked out perfectly normal.
her face, however, will remain a mystery for the next 7 weeks.
much more distressing to me is how abnormally uncooperative carter has been for over a week now with napping. he's not sick, not scared, not hungry or wet, not lacking for physical activity to tire him out prior; he's just plain refusing to nap. to make it worse, he's pulling all kinds of stunts behind his closed bedroom door. doing so quietly enough that i think he is sleeping until a crash or toy starts sounding from in there. he has pulled all of the clothes from his drawers, strewn wipes all across the floor, pulled decorations down from the wall, you name it...it's going on in there. i'm at my end with what to do to discipline him for his disobedience. nothing's working. AGH!
isn't it supposed to be that all will be well with carter, having 2 devoted parents, committed to balance between structure & play, providing good nutrition, personal attention & appropriate discipline for the crime at hand. i'm ready to just throw it all to the wind & let him watch as much disney as he desires, eat junk food instead of sliced apples or carrots, and throw toys his way while i do something i enjoy rather than spending time on the floor building block towers or creating the day's craft. why am i doing all of this work, if the outcome isn't rewarding? this isn't how it's supposed to work!
well i better go. i'm hearing silence for the longest stretch this afternoon so either he's repainting the walls or he's sleeping so angelically i'll forget i wanted to strap him to his bed a few minutes ago! Pin It
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
I thought immediately of my dear friends following the call of God on their lives to the Jewish people in Queens. Boy has the Devil tried to get in their way, and I'm recalling specifically in the housing dept. Time after another they've been basically kicked to the curb by yet another landlord or superior. Once, just before their 2nd child was expected to arrive into the world! Again, they need your prayers for God's divine provision for new housing; perhaps, a house of their own, that may not be taken from them as the rentals have. This day in Chronicles, made me think first of them.
2 Chronicles 32:1-23
WAIT!! Back up... 31:20 "This is what Hezekiah did throughout Judah, doing what was good & right & faithful before the Lord his God. In EVERYTHING that he undertook in the service of God's temple & in obedience to the law & commands, he sought his God & worked wholeheartedly. And so he prospered." (emphasis mine. b/c come on, that's a lesson in itself! but not today's!)
With Hezekiah's faithful works, Sennacherib, king of Assyria, invaded Judah. Hezekiah consults with his officials & gets their help with inhibiting Sennacherib. He encourages his military, 7 "'Be strong & courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged because of the king of Assyria & the vast army with him, for there is a greater power with us than with him. With him is only the arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God to help us fight our battles.' And the people gained confidence..."
Then Sennacherib sends this message to Hezekiah & the people of Judah:
10. "...On what are you basing your confidence, that you remain in Jerusalem under seige?" (SECOND GUESSING)
11."When Hezekiah says 'The Lord our God will save us...he is misleading you....Do you not know what I & my predecessors have done to all the peoples of the other lands?" (INTIMIDATION)
13 &14. "Were the gods of those nations ever able to deliver their land from my hand? Who of all the gods of these nations...has been able to save his people from me? How then can your god deliver you from my hand?" (IS YOUR GOD SO POWERFUL?) (DOES HE REALLY PROMISE TO SAVE YOU? GO BEFORE YOU? BE WITH YOU?)
Sennacherib's officers went further, writing letters ridiculing the Lord & casting doubt on His power to save. Hezekiah & Isaiah cried out to the Lord and in the end, "21 God sent an angel, who annihilated all the fighting men & the commanders & officers in the camp of the Assyrian king. So we withdrew to his own land in disgrace. And...some of his sons cut him down with the sword."
22 "So the Lord saved Hezekiah & the people of Jerusalem...He took care of them on every side."
I will not let the lies of my Enemy bind me from moving forward, from staying the course, from following the Word that I know God has spoken into my heart. This is my vow. Rehearse the truth; write it on a card & place it on your fridge or your dashboard or your monitor. Don't let the Enemy steal or taint it. Don't let the power of the truth fade & get clouded by life's circumstances.
Carter's nap has ended & I have no time to edit! Sorry... Pin It
Monday, July 7, 2008
There is one small thing that I've omitted. But that pesky small thing has slowly taken over heart & home as I've had little to no relief from it at all. I'm not sleeping. I have this strange hatred toward nightfall, as I want nothing more than to crawl into bed & curl up with my pillows & husband & sleep until dawn. Some days I wish to start this routine earlier than 9pm, and could, but I resist, for I know the struggle involved.
Some of you may remember this from my pregnancy with Carter. You know how there are numerous & various symptoms of pregnancy. It's fascinating to hear each different experience, as it varies from the next. But experiencing this "who would have thought" symptom isn't so welcome. Here's my problem: my arms get that fall asleep feeling, that turns quickly to nerve pain & keeps me from sleeping. Keeps me from falling asleep, which I've been remedying with Tylenol PM. But wakes me up, once the meds wear off. The anatomical reasons for it are sort of involved, but basically letting my shoulders relax, (by reclining) creates this chain reaction that results in this painful problem.
The first few weeks were really hard. Especially because Carter was also waking up in the middle of the night, trying to get back into our routine after vacation & then we had thunder storms. My Cuisinart was set & timed to brew my much needed coffee as soon as I woke up. That worked for a while. Then the coffee became no match for my exhaustion. I tried to sleep when Carter napped, but to no avail. Because as I said before, the reclining (yes, I've even tried the recliner & sofa instead of bed) brings on the parastesia (sp?) and pain.
Here I am over a month of just about 2-4 hours of broken up sleep a night, and I've contracted some kind of cold that I just can't shake. My arm & hand is "asleep" even as I type this & the pain is settling in. Just about anything I use my hand for results in this. Similar to carpal tunnel pain. It's a small, annoying constant that is here until I give birth, if it's going to work like it did with Carter. It's not welcome. I'm having a hard time just getting used to it. And it's really getting me down. The pain, the sleeplessness, the loss of control it's not fun.
I know, I know, my humanity is showing. Now it's just out there for you to see. In case I've tried to prove to you otherwise, I am mortal. There it is.
I spent Sat & Sun in bed because all of this had caught up to me & I needed to take advantage of Dan being at home & willing to hang with Carter. I slept here & there. The cold was really what got me off my feet. The Tylenol cold, multi-symptom something or other that Dan got for me provided some great relief while it lasted & I kept popping! (PS: all Tylenol meds were approved by my OB.)
I had to miss singing at church on Sunday morning. Which I just hate missing. But really, I couldn't sing. Sunday marked the anniversary of our first date & first meeting face to face. We usually do something to commemorate. This year, I'd planned for our sitter to come & for Dan & I to head out for dinner & a movie.
It was a great surprise for Dan. Though, he was sitting on the bed beside me thinking "you don't look like a person that can go out tonight". And said something to that degree at one point. We set it up that he took Carter out of the house & wore him out until naptime. This would give me a quiet house to rest (perhaps the best gift of all!) Then he went on a bike ride for a couple of hours while Carter slept. (This made me feel better for having emptied all parenting duties onto him for the day).
I took a shower & got prettied up. Took some good meds & put a smile on my face. Jenna came & Carter couldn't have been more happy to see us go. He just loves her! We drove down our street & Dan looked at me & sort of got "stuck" looking a bit longer & said "you're really pretty." Tell you anything about how dreadful I looked for the past 2 days in bed! Anyway, we had a really nice conversation at dinner & enjoyed each others company the whole night.
That's the power of drugs....love, I meant. Pin It
Saturday, July 5, 2008
Thursday, June 26, 2008
There's always another task
There's always just one more small favor to ask
And everything is urgent and everything is now
I wonder what would really happen if I stopped somehow
I'll be there in a minute
Just a few places to go
You wake up a few years later and your kids are grown
And everything is important
But everything is not
At the end of your life your relationships are all you've got
There will never be an end to the request upon your time
It's your place to stand up and tell the world you've got to rest awhile
And love to me is when you put down that one more thing and say
I've got something better to do
And love to me is when you walk out on that one more thing and say
Nothing will come between me and you
Not even one thing"
"Just one more thing" from All right here
Like usual, she puts this casualty of today's society into the perfect words. The blackberry is attached to our hips, the computer is calling out to us to log on, we're rarely out of reach to anyone who has the will to find us. It's always just one more thing...and then one more thing...and then another..until you decide to set the boundaries.
These days I can't get enough of Dan's time. Maybe because there's less of it available between work, PhD, etc. Perhaps it's because the more alone time I have with Carter the more Dan's absence is apparent. Could be that Carter's face & mannerisms as they develop even daily can act as mirror images to his daddy's. Maybe it's because he's provided this beautiful house & luxuries for our enjoyment, but it doesn't feel nearly as enjoyable without him as it does with him. Still, it could be that its just my pregnancy hormones! Either way, I've become very jealous for his time & presence in the past few months.
All to say, this song has been rolling around in my head for about that long too. I know so many of you are feeling the same way right now. Thought I'd share these lyrics.
Thanks again, Sara. Nobody puts real life into song like you do, lady! Pin It
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Friday, June 6, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
We finished dinner, I stayed in the kitchen to clean up & was washing dishes, the water drowning out other noises. Dan was in the living room "sessle"ing (wrestling) with Carter.
I turned around when I didn't hear any background noises & noticed that the house seemed clear. Turned off the water & dried my hands calling out for Dan & then Carter. Dan was in our master bathroom & well, Carter had taken the opportunity to have some fun in the other bathroom, across the house from where Dan & I were.
I got to the bathroom door & Carter immediately ran out as if to say, "it wasn't me."
The newly replaced toilet paper roll was now all over the bathroom. Water was soaking some of it & I assume the rest had been flushed simultaneously down the overworked toilet, as the noises coming up from it would indicate.
I turned around & there was Mr Red-handed. "Carter, what did you do in the bathroom?"
Yes, his s sounds like "sch" at this point. I assume he said "sit". I just had to share how even at this young age, with such a limited vocabulary, you can be mortified by the things that come out of their mouths.
For me, it came as a blessing, relieving me from getting so caught up in his poor choice for spare, unsupervised time and the mess that I was now stuck with. I'm sure this is just the beginning....
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
The nighttime thing goes way back for me though. I can remember being 6 years old & sleeping in the front room of our apt in NY & my dad would be gone at night & I'd be TERRIFIED. My mom pasted "Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world" on my wall along with other affirming scriptures to get me through. She never complained when I came to her in the middle of the night for comfort or because I'd wet the bed, yes, wet the bed. I did that at random until far after it was "normal". I didn't struggle with it much from Jr High through college, but now that I've been married I guess I have retreated to relying on Dan for security & the lack of it freaks me out. I can remember begging him while we were dating to stay at my apt with me, and offering to sleep on the floor so that he could have the bed. I just didn't want him to leave me alone at night. All to say, I've been praying myself to sleep the past few nights & I'll be doing so tonight, I'm sure.
I've kept myself busy with projects & rented some girly movies that I don't want to bother Dan to watch. Carter & I have been all over town doing activities & we've hung out with a bunch of his little friends & their moms. He borrowed his first library books yesterday. This boys loves reading & sometimes I catch him just staring at the pages. Last night, for instance, I had done his bedtime routine, tucked him into bed & unplugged his lamp (you'll see why in a min.). Got busy doing somethings I had waited for him to be in bed to do & about 20 min had passed. I started to watch one of my girly movies & I hear some noise from his bedroom. Sure enough, the lamp has been plugged in & his noisemaker is turned off. Carter was sitting in his chair surrounded by books & looked up from the one he was "reading" and grinned, completely free of any "i got caught" remorse & cheerfully said, "hi mommy!" then looked back down & started "reading" where he'd left off!! OH, MY!!
He has been charming me to the max this past couple of weeks. Waking up in the morning & coming to me in bed to say with a toothy smile "hi, mommy! g' morning!". He's been cupping my cheeks with his hands & kissing me. The things he says, moreso, the way he says them are just stealing my heart.
I have to trust my friends that have gone before me that I'll have enough heart for this next baby. I can't imagine loving anyone more than I love Carter & Dan. My heart is full!
Must go, 'Curious George' is over! Pin It
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
All of that has been relocated & perfectly organized somewhere else in the house. I have been cleaning window sils & cabinet faces, tightening knobs & drawer pulls. Mr Carter has even taken it on as a great pasttime, leaving behind his toys & crayons & picking up a sponge & a broom! I even let him vacuum the kitchen & "dust". He loves it. Music is blasting & he couldn't feel taller or more capable. And I couldn't feel more energized!
We (Carter & I) heard the baby's heartbeat yesterday at the Drs office. I'll be seeing a high risk dr. next week for an ultrasound. They'd scheduled me with a high risk dr. based on the miscarriage that I had prior to Carter. Can't be too cautious. Although the OB that I used for my pregnancy with Carter didn't even bat an eyelash at my last miscarriage. Hopefully this is a sign that my new OB (whom we're very happy with) will be more thorough & careful.
I'm desperately trying to "forget" that I'm pregnant for the next few months, because I just get so anxious & want to jump forward to delivery & bringing the baby home. I have a stack of paint samples in colors for both boy or girl nurseries! OUT OF HAND! Pin It